Common Feelings
In response to your grief, you may:
* Feel that the loss ins't real or that it didn't happen.
* Sense your loved one's presence.
* Feel guilty about being the survivor.
* Feel guilty if you let yourself have some pleasure.
* Have trouble sleeping and dream of your loved one often.
* Keep thinking about the life and death of your loved one.
* Find it hard to concentrate.
* Relive times in the past and feel guilty or angry
about things that happened or didn't happen.
* Feel angry at how unfair your experience seems.
* Feel anger toward other people or God.
* Feel that you've been cheated.
* Feel that no one knows what your experience of
grief is like. ( Even though they say they
understand, you are right. Your experience is yours.)
* Feel as though you need to take care of others
who seem uncomfortable around you; feel that
you should not talk about your feelings of grief
in order to protect them.
* Need to tell and retell stories about your loved one.
* Feel mood changes over the slightest things.
* Cry without warning and at unpexected times.
* Feel relief...and a sense of guilt about the relief
you feel. (Both are normal reactions.)
* Find holidays or other special days very hard.
* Fear what will happen next.
* Desire to run away of find some way to stay
busy enough to avoid the pain.
Physical Responses
Grief can express itself in physical symptoms,such as:
* Tightness in your throat.
* Change in or loss of appetite...an empty feeling
in your stomach.
* Restlessness and a change in sleeping patterns.
* Lack of energy.
* Inability to concentrate.
* Headache or "just-not-right" feeling.
Suggestions
These can all be common and normal grief responses. Let yourself cry and talk with people when you need to. While it may be hard to call on another person, it is important to let others know your needs. Remember that they are not mind readers...even though you may want them to be.
If physical symptoms persist or become worse, you may want to see your physician for a check up.
Additional Thoughts
Live one day at a time.
Allow yourself time to be alone as well as be with others who are a comfort and who will listen when you need to talk. Allow yourself time before you make any major decisions about your future. And know that it will take time - months - or even years - to feel and accept the feelings that go with death.
Take care of yourself-your body-your mind-and your spirit.
Allow others to care for you during the times that you need it. During stressful times, you may be more likely to get sick. Please make sure that you get routine health care.
Relax...Exercise...Eat Well.
You may need extra amounts of things you needed before. Hot baths, naps, walking, or working out can all help ease stress.
You may find hope and comfort from those who have had a similiar loss.
Knowing things that have helped them and seeing how they have gone on in their lives and begun to heal may give you hope that sometime in the future your grief will be less painful.
Small pleasures...such as watching a sunset, a walk in the woods, a favorite food...can have a healing effect.
These can be a beginning toward finding pleasure in life itself again. A trip, a cause, or a project to focus on may give you a lift.
Give yourself permission to backslide.
Sometimes after feeling better for a time, we find ourselves back in the old feelings of sadness, despair, or anger. This is the nature of grief, up and down, over and over again. This happens because, as humans, we cannot take in all of the pain and the meaning of death at once. So we let it in a little at a time. Be gentle with yourself and know that healing takes much energy and work.
Drugs and alcohol are not helpful.
We cannot prevent or cure grief - it is the way people respond to a loss. Nor can we escape our feelings with the abuse of substances. The only way out is working through the grief.
Reduce Stress
You may face many demands at once. Decide what things must be done first and work at those - dont try to do everything at once. Getting back into a routine helps, but try to do things at your own pace.
Do what is good for you.
Grieving is a very hard tiring process. You may find it hard to manage all the challenges facing you. Follow what feels healing to you and what connects you to the people you love. You are the best judge of what you need and what is helpful. And remember there is no set timeline for grieving and no precise order to the stages of grief.
Ask for help.
You dont have to go through this alone. There are many support groups who can provide bereavement help.
