Helping yourself through the grieving process

Please note the term grieving process.  Grief is an emotion caused by an event.  Grieving is the time and energy-consuming process by which we cope with the event and the emotions that follow a loss.  The following tips can help you through the process.  Some may work; some may not.  Use what works in your lifestyle and remember, most of all, to be kind to yourself

Go Gently

You will need time and extra energy just to accompish the everyday tasks.  Grieving takes energy.  So if you feel low on energy, there is a good reason.

Allow yourself to rest when you feel the need. 

Try to go to bed earlier.  Avoid caffeine as much as possible.

Eat healthy foods instead of fast snacks. 

Good nutrition is important to help your healing process.

Don't take on new responsibilities right away. 

Keep decision-making to a minimum.

Set realistic goals for yourself. 

Remember that you may not have the energy to do what

you did a few months ago.

Let Others Help

Let people help when they offer.  You will be giving them an opportunity to do a good deed that they may feel a need to do.

Talk to people about the loss and your feelings.  Remember it is not your job to take care of everyone else.  When you need to talk, talk.

Do not allow others to put their needs or expectations on you. 

Do what you need to do.

Tears are not a sign of weakness.  Laughter is not a sign of forgetting.  These are expressions of your life, love, and relationships.  If others are uncomfortable with your expressions of feelings during the grieving process, let them be uncomfortabe.  You express what you need to. Cry when you have to - and laugh when you can.

Tell the stories that are important to you as often as you want.  If no one wants to listen, go to your clergy or a counselor.

If someone tells you they don't know what to do for you, acknowledge their honesty and tell them what you need.

Care for Yourself

Exercise a little each day.  Even though you may not have

much energy, a short walk will help.

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.  Anger, guilt, relief, sadness or whatever the feeling.  It is yours and you have the right to feel it.

Do a little something you enjoy.  Remember you are allowed to

enjoy life again.

This too will change.  Much of life is changing at this time.  Remember that and try to remain flexible.  That will make everything easier to cope with.

Know that the grieving process is not a straight-line process, but can feel messy.  There may be days when you feel great and then feel terrible,

or vice versa.  That is normal.

Carry with you an object of meaning that can remind you of your loved one.  When in need, you can touch the object and remember what the object and the relationship meant to you.